Claire-Elizabeth asked me today, what are your plans for Easter? I said that if Sunday goes my way, I'll take my little friend Eliza to the Easter Parade. I saw her there last year wearing a bonnet and we hung out. She is four, and when I babysit for her we drink yogurts and watch ChittyChitty BangBang vids on Youtube. Then she sits on my shoulders for like three hours. She is my favorite person to chill with. She is decisive, strong-willed, curious, and fun. She is simple and her tiny simple ideas beam. She makes sense, and it comes easily to her.
I used to be that way. We all did.
My baby sister is going away to college. All these thoughts are churning because my sister IS my youth. Starting in August, our unique dynamic is going to shift, and our lives are going to progress.
We will retain those intrinsic traits that lie at our cores, those very deepest qualities that compose each of our individual natures. At the root of it, we're never going to change. But nothing gold can stay. Our little life together is on the verge of a grand scale transformation. It doesn't make me too sad, for it's only the course of life, but it does scare me. Will I be able to keep the faith in spite of anything? Life is going to throw some shit at us. What would it take for me to quit standing by my way? I mean, would I EVER give in? Will drinking a strawberry yogurt out of a mini-bottle and singing the same chorus again and again ever cease to bring me contentment?
That just wouldn't make any sense....
"Scars are souvenirs you never lose, The past is never far.
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there, Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life, Is more than who we are?"
-Goo Goo Dolls, "Name"
You will be able to keep the faith, I promise. All changes happen for a reason and it's upto us to make the best out of them, so keep smiling every day and you'll only attract good things.
ReplyDeleteI really hope that Sunday does go your way, spending time with Eliza sounds wonderful. I love hanging out with children too - it always reminds me of the true meaning of life and life's little pleasures.
Have a lovely week and long weekend :)
xxx
You are very sweet, and I think you're exactly right. I just read your entry, too, and the two seem to contain some parallel thoughts! I suppose that I ought to take more confidence in my methods, which I too have been experimenting with for years. They have worked moderately well thus far! "Talking myself into thinking" a certain way is actually simple self-discipline, if I look at it from your perspective.
ReplyDeleteThank you, girl!